The Most embarrassing Post I've ever had to make

I shouldn’t be doing this….

Hey, bestie!

How’s it going?

Today I'm sending you a note a little later than usual cause it took me quite some time to decide whether or not I was going to make this post or just write my usual “how are you feeling today” post lol

But then I thought about the real reason I started this newsletter in the first place. To create a connection with YOU and share my experiences.

And I'm glad I found you!

Now here's the thing.

A long, long, long time ago, I picked up an interest in copywriting.

It was during a time in my country when the powers that be (the Academic Staff Union of Universities) had embarked on an indefinite strike, putting the academic lives of students of federal universities on hold.

You see, this is something that happens very often in my country.

In fact, it's happening now, as we speak.

Now that I've established that point, let's get back to the story.

So in one of my low, sad, “what do I do” moments, I found him.

Andy.

Andy Mukolo.

He's a popular kick-ass copywriter in my country.

And after I’d read his entire letter book which contained all his emails,

I wrote him the most embarrassing letter.

Looking at it now is total cringe!😂

But I thought it'd be nice to share it with you.

Just cause we’re best friends!

I need to get this off my chest. The guilt is killing me.

Damn.

I’m really doing this after hours and hours of trying to convince myself not to.

He probably won’t see it. He IS a very busy guy after all, with shit tons of money

Even if he were to see this, chances are, he won’t open, or read it. He DOES receive hundreds of emails every day.....

And I went on, and on, and on.

But there was something you said in one of your emails that really got me.

“Screw it, I’m doing this regardless of what anyone thinks or feels"

I think it was something about the law of Jante.

So, I braced myself and said

“Screw it. I’m doing this regardless of whether it’s getting seen or opened, or not”

So here we are. And if you ARE reading this,

Well, I’ll be damned.

But the last thing I want to do is waste your valuable time. So I’ll get right to it.(with a little bit of beating around the Bush, I mean, what’s activity without foreplay?)

I mentioned that I feel guilty about something I’ve done.

It’s a crime. A crime committed against you.

But before you prepare to report this,

At least, hear me out. I can explain. Trust me.

Here it goes;

It was the second of April, 2022. Another ordinary day for me to go through my daily routine, which, by the way, involves,

Waking up, of course( I wouldn’t be writing this if I didn’t)

Brush my teeth, take a shower, and begin the house chores I’d normally do every morning before leaving the house, for school. Uniport to be precise. But these days, things have been different.

The academic staff union(ASUU) for the third time in two academic years(I’m really not sure, I’ve lost count) has sworn to keep us, students of federal universities at home, till the federal government meets their demands. In their exact words,

“ The union is left with no choice but to totally, comprehensively, completely and indefinitely shut down the universities”

And all that nonsense talk.

Of course, this is none of your business. And I’m sure you’re wondering why I’m telling you this. You’ll see why in a bit.

Back to the story. So, as soon as I finished my chores, I opened the green app(WhatsApp) as usual. A friend of mine had posted a link to join a WhatsApp group some guy had created to teach young people how to make money online from affiliate marketing. Of course, doubt kicked in. My “scam" detectors began to blow their sirens (which was stupid now that I think about it, because affiliate marketing is incredibly lucrative and beneficial) but this isn’t some kind of success story where I tell you how I made shit tons of money out of affiliate marketing. In fact, I haven’t tried it.

I was heartbroken when I learned that to register for the campus affiliate program, I needed 10k

10k?

“where I wan see 10k?”

Were my exact thoughts. I was broke. Still am. I don’t think I even had up to 1k in my account at the time. So I kept an open mind, hoping I’d raise the money sometime this month.

Two days passed. Then the group creator texted me one night and asked how I was doing. I replied in my usual dramatic way of saying I’m not fine without sounding like I was going to beg you for financial assistance( I hate having to ask people for money)

We got talking. I told him how much I loved writing books. That was when it started.

“Why not go into copywriting?”

I was indifferent. I’d heard about it but had no clue what it was, so I asked him.

He explained, and to cut the story short, fast forward to where you come in,

“Do you know Andy Mukolo?”

Funny last name. I told him I’d never heard of the guy. Like the curious freak I’ve always been, I searched you out on the web. And there it was. I found your letter book from 2020.

I’ve always loved reading interesting stuff, especially when it’s aimed at teaching me something that would make me rich.

And I must tell you, your emails are not just interesting. They’re incredibly entertaining and captivating, whilst being even more educative.

But I’m not here to tell you how good your emails are( I’m sure you already know that, and my words don’t describe them well enough)

I read all of them. Every single one. In every section.

But it was after I read the humorous ones that I was really bitten by the copywriting bug.

It is a nonsense economy after all, and of course, I could use some extra money, lots of it( who no like better thing?)

I’ve been devouring sales letters and ads and the boron letters( Gary halbert) for days now and man, it feels good. But this isn’t my point either.

I must confess something before I continue

Andy, I’m in love with you. Hopelessly.

And I honestly hope, for the love of God ( or nature, whichever you prefer) that you didn’t take that the wrong way.

Because even though I’m used to being told I act and look a bit older ( sometimes by people who admire my intelligence, sometimes by those who think I’m rude and hate my guts, but mostly by perverts who conceive in their warped, crazy minds that this remark would fetch them some sort of sexual benefits with me, LUNATICS. I don’t think they’d be making the malicious attempt if they had the slightest clue what I’m capable of)

I’m only seventeen.

So even if I did mean I want to be kissed by you( which I do, or don’t, I’m not sure)

You’d be out of your mind to pay me any attention.

Now, that’s enough beating around the Bush. I’m ready to confess to the crime now. I think I’ve done enough emotional blackmail.

It’s a theft.

I stole something only you have,

It’s wrong, I know. But I was just too in love with it.

It’s how you’ve closed all your emails I’ve read,

“Stay frosty"

And yes, I’m shameless enough to use it in this email.

So, with all the love in my heart,

Stay frosty.

P.S: Now that I’m done pretending like your response to this mail wouldn’t mean more than a married man’s advances to me, so I don’t seem obsessed and desperate( who am I kidding? I’m beyond obsessed and desperate)and make you close this mail before reading the last sentence,

I’ll be honest. It would actually mean the entire universe and more to me if you replied this email.

And, I did tell myself I’d only send this when I have actual achievements to talk about, but why do that if I can do both, like, email you before and after?

Point is, I’ll still always find a reason to write you again. And keep writing you.

I really do hope I get to meet you one day.

Take care.

Phebe P.

Now before you start laughing, I never sent the email.

And I'm glad I didn't!😂

What's the lesson here?

Express yourself.

Express yourself.

Express yourself.

You get an idea in the middle of the night, get up and write it down.

Feeling something?

Write it down.

Trust me, it helps. With everything!

And you'll become a much better writer.

Take it from me.

And oh, this happened last year.

So it wasn't really a long time ago.

I just said that cause a lot has happened since then.

Again,

With all the love in my heart,

Stay frosty.❤️

And please reach out if you need anything.

P.S: I would LOVE to get to know you. Tell me something about yourself, okay?